9:30 am
– “I’m unsatisfied…. I want a doughnut!”
– “No you don’t. Remember your diet.”
Silence. Killer look. He stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts:
– “I need some air!”
I slammed the door and leaned against the side of the red car, devouring the mischief.
He positioned himself in front of me and brought his fingers to his chin, as if he were counting:
– “Are we at that time of the month?”
– “No!” – I replied ashamed.
– “Of course not. What a foolish thought…” – He said, wiping the chocolate from my lips with his thumb.
I got into the car, sulky and embarrassed:
– “There goes my diet, why did you let me eat that doughnut?”
**********
Premenstrual syndrome is nothing like they advertise.
A woman in red is bipolar all emotions are exaggerated, decontextualized and not very discreet. She suffers with pain, kills with her eyes, cries, begs for affection, and becomes the Tasmanian devil. For this I applaud all of you men.
Don’t think you will find here the magic recipe to improve our (and your) days. However, I will share some tips, the most valuable of all … be prudent and patient:
- Sometimes the brands of sanitary pads we have been using improve and we buy the wrong product. It happens. Don’t make jokes about us looking like giant babies on diapers.
- The sweatpants, the messy bun and the oversize sweater are the dress code of those days. Embrace this new sexy.
- We will bury our butt on the couch and our face in a carton of ice cream. Don’t come running with a spoon in your hand, our greedy appetite is worth ten.
- If you get a text message saying “we need to talk”, don’t have a heart attack, it should be something irrelevant.
- Questioning why our boobs aren’t always that big, isn’t funny. At all.
- Devour cheetos and chocolate, it’s not a treat.
- Our cramps are real and lasting.
- If we shout that nothing in the closet fits us and we have nothing to wear, leave the room slowly.
- If in the car we ask, “Is there something you need to tell me?” If you have no idea what it is, park the vehicle and run.
- It will be smart to avoid: the wet towel on the bed, the toilet seat raised, the dirty dishes on the counter and the clothes, artistically, scattered on the floor.
- We will cry watching any movie and we will not laugh at a comedy. It’s not us there, it’s the lady in red!
- In doubt say that you love or adore us. You will win ten minutes of peace, guaranteed.
“A woman is the only creature that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die,” meanwhile we test the male boundaries. And how funny it is to see the stunned reactions of man that has no idea of what’s going on. Thank you to the men who wear the armor and fight this 5-7 day battle with us. Even if the war is already lost.
(This helped?)
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